1. EXT. CAR PARK. DAY
Our HERO hops out of his car with his backpack and bolts for the lecture theatre.
Fuck, it’s bright. If only I had my sunglasses…
2. INT. LECTURE THEATRE FOUR. DAY
Our HERO sits next to a WOMAN.
Oh, you left these behind last week…
It’s the sunglasses.
So much for my theft theory. Who knew you could still trust people?
3. INT. LECTURE THEATRE FOUR. DAY (LATER)
A relatively YOUNG LECTURER is explaining something to do with matrix arithmetic. He’s valiantly trying to make it interesting and failing.
…and so, if we sum the rest of this formula for each cell in the row, we get the determinant…
Cut to a group of very confused looking students who wish they’d paid more attention in year 12.
4. INT. LECTURE THEATRE 5. DAY
A SCRIPTWRITING LECTURER shows clips from various films across a series of dissolves. They seem to have rather more George Clooney than would be considered normal.
5. INT. CLASSROOM. DAY
About twenty students are dotted around a classroom working away at computers. Well, the computers that are working, anyway, since half a dozen are busted as usual. The sounds of workmen hammering in the next room can be heard. The SCRIPTWRITING LECTURER is at the front of the class talking about the assignment while a few people whisper to one another about their scripts, life and the fact that one of the students was nice enough to shave her moustache this week.
So, on the first…
A drill starts, runs for a couple of seconds, then stops.
…er, assignment, you should have…
The drill starts again and runs for another couple of seconds.
More drill for three or four seconds.
…done by now…
The drill starts again, never to be quieted for the scene.
…so that you can do a first draft before next week.
The subtitles say something different: “What I’m really saying is that, just like every other lecturer at this uni, I assume that you have no other units, commitments, or a life.”
6. INT. COMPUTING CLASSROOM. DAY
Compared to the last classroom, one obvious thing is that all the computers work. Another is that hardly anyone is present and there is no conversation at all. Our HERO works away at a computer.
How can so much information be placed into these workshops with so little of it being useful?
The YOUNG LECTURER from earlier glares at our HERO for disturbing the quiet.
Well, just another day at WTF University.